Not A Good Girl, and I Know It

I have this fantasy.

I’m out on the town, at a bar here in Toronto, and in the corner of the room is none other than rapper, actor, and songwriter Drake. I catch his eye and even though he’s usually all like, “No new friends” he waves me over to join him.

He's got his eyes on me.

He’s got his eyes on me.

I take a seat next to him. Introduce myself. We clink glasses. I say something witty and charming and he leans in. Then this is the moment I get close and over the music, I whisper in his ear…

“What do you mean when you use the term ‘good girl?’ Don’t you think there’s a way to describe your ideal woman without stripping her of her autonomy?”

He orders me a drink, noticing my G&T is getting low and says, “That’s so fascinating. Tell me more.”

I reference the songs, Mine and Hold We’re Going Home where the usage of the moniker is thrown around without consideration about the ways it polices women’s identities, bodies, and behavior in the fear they are marred with the conception they are somehow not “good” or “proper” enough.

“Don’t you think this term reduces woman into a concept? If you’re looking for someone who’s genuinely nice, polite, and respectful, why not just say good person? Why must we sexualize this?”

And then he’s all like, “Shit, I never thought about it that way. I’m really not sure why I feel that need to box women into reductive terms like this. Maybe I shouldn’t reinforce harmful stereotypes about femininity.”

Then I’m all like, “Aubrey, I’m so glad we can talk about this. The next round’s on me.”

I understand this is unrealistic, but…

What does it mean to be a good girl?

I looked it up on the internet. I truly didn’t realize how big the question really is, and I feel that not everyone is intentionally trying to undermine women when they call someone a “good girl.”  But like I “said” to Drake, it’s not doing girls much good.

According to the webs,  good girls don’t smoke, party, swear, hook-up, or have any sort of fun. They have to stay away from “bad boys”, want to have “white weddings” and are “easy on your expenses“.

I even took Seventeen’s online Quiz, “Are you a Good Girl?”

I got “Wild Child”

Through all the the definitions and criteria from various sources, I found the most prominent theme in the definition of the good girl is linked to sex and promiscuity.

Continuing in its tradition of rampant assholery, Misogyny Today, urg…I mean Elite Daily churned out this steaming turd of an article, 5 Signs You Have Found A Good Girl.

It states that once, for a dude, you’re finished with the  “multiple one night stands” it is only then that you’re ready to find this fabled, “good girl.”

I have to admit, a lot of the article is just about finding a good person who you can get along with and  is nice to your family and friends, which is just what you would want from any ideal partner right?

However, these were not the most coveted signs of dating a good girl: sex is.

“You know you have found a good girl if she is holding out on spreading her lovely legs. We can estimate that the average time for a good girl to hold out on giving you any type of sex is about a month to two months. However, if you see her waiting it out, you should interpret that as her really liking you and that a “one night stand” does not exist in her vocabulary.”


So, wait… Men can run around and have experiences that lead them to the point of wanting to, what, get married (ugh) but if I’ve ever had a one-night stand or casual sex, heaven forbid more partners than you, this excludes me from being a prospective partner that you can possibly love and respect?

Let’s say I’m this woman you’ve decided to throw away your philandering ways for, and have deigned to consider a marriage with. You want me to make you wait for sex because that somehow communicates that I’m what… MORE into you?  Shouldn’t I want to have sex with you? In my own time and pace of course, but personally, a month or two seems long.

Also, what if you’re bad at it?  What if I invest several weeks into this only find out that you suck in bed most likely because you don’t any respect for women so you never really took the time to figure out what works for them? What if your penis is weird? Maybe I’m missing something here, but wouldn’t you want someone who is experienced, confident, and willing to express her affection for you physically?

But I’m not a good girl, and I know it.


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